Musings at this Moment

This started as my November newsletter.. It turned into something else & I thought I’d share it.

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Happy November, Can you believe 2020! I'm not going to re-hash the last 6 months, but just acknowledging that it's coming up to the last 2 months of the year. And wow, haven't we all had lots going on?

I've found my energy has been fluctuating between really high & motivated to really low and questioning every decision I've made the last 5 years.. Not going to lie, it's a bit to work through. Lots of shitty beliefs & crappy behaviours have come to the surface. Old patterns have showed their scary face. Anyone else feeling this?

I guess the positive thing about these feelings and working throughs: Is I have a place to start. I’ve kinda lived this before, and so I know, mediating & a gratitude practice helps me. Taking time for myself also lifts my energy & focus. Having some fricking fun is also a cup-filler for me. Which we know we've been limited with socialising & travelling. So I have to acknowledge that this year is different for us & our reaction to these feelings is different.

I’ve had some unhelpful thoughts of ‘what does it all mean?’ ‘why am I here again?’ I had a reality check of a conversation with one of my oldest friends: I mean she knows me so well & knows the distance I’ve travelled in my own personal work. So her calling me out on my shit, was a great wake up call. 

I’ve also spent some time driving long distance in the last fortnight. Sometimes it’s a good thing, sometimes not: Me with my thoughts, long drives, can be tough for my brain. but after that chat & reality check: WOW: I released some crap, gained some clarity & calmed myself. 

As soon as I got back from being on the road yesterday, I was at that beach, walked around the harbour, shoes off, feet on the sand, I sat their & watched the surfers in awe, Listening to calming music, sat with my labradorite crystal in my palm and took some beautiful long breaths. Looked at the clock & i’d been there over an hour. Gosh it was glorious. Another practice for me to resume. When I;m all up in my head & it’s just too much, get back to those things, those little things that bring you back to yourself.

I've also thrown myself into some tidying out of stuff. I moved into a new place last December and it was a hectic time. So sorting & donating wasn't an option. Luckily I have a garage that can fit extra things in. But I need to let go of this stuff. There is a lot of my past in those boxes & I don't know if I have room for all that crap at this stage of my life. So last weekend I did a mega tidy out in the apartment: got rid of things, donated, gifted, sold some things. Wiped things clean and put things in their homes. It felt so good. At the end of the month, the garage is getting some extra special attention. I need to be in a good head space for that & most likely need my sister here to help me. She’s a good support when I need to let go of things that represented a life I know longer live. That life will always be there, I’ve not regrets, But I’m also ready to let got of the reminders. It’s for the good.

Next months Lunar Theme is around Transformation, Power & Shadow, I mean it’s spooky: I know I’m early. But when I started to write my newsletter to my community: the words just fell out. I feel like this is a transforming story. I’m just kind of in the middle of it.

Stuck, working through whats living in my shadow self, craving clarity, making changes,

calling in the new and stepping out into a new power, a new way.

It’s amazing to acknowledge it right in the moving through the ‘stuck’ phase..

This is by no means a recipe card for moving through transformation or surviving it. It’s just what I’m moving through myself right now. And I wanted you to know, if you’re feeling any of this, then please know I am there with you, feeling it all. Feel free to email me below with your thoughts