The Practice of Kintsugi and the Heart

To say I’ve had a year of healing my heart, is an understatement. It’s been a biggy. Proof that perhaps there is always healing to happen, always something to learn about yourself, sometimes somewhere deeper for you to explore within you Self.

I wrote in my journal the other week about this. How upon reflection I feel like I’ve spent 12months Kintsugi-ing my heart back together. A term I heard from a client I worked with a while ago.. not of the heart, actually maybe we were taking about the heart and mending it after heart break. So Kintsugi: The Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the areas of breakage with urushi lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum.

Yep this is a beautiful way to describe what I’ve been moving through. I did all the heart stuff last year, my heart Chakra received a real work out. Physically I had breast reduction surgery, so physical recovery was required. I did all the best, self, loving things for myself. Worked on my overall health, no alcohol, gluten, red meat, dairy, minimal sugar for 3 solid months. Jogged every day, strengthening class, pilates and yoga weekly. My intention: To be my most healthiest Self I could be by April 3rd.

Post op, was equally physically loving. I’d made myself beautiful healing oils, surrendered to allowing my beautiful friends and family to look after my needs, my sister washing my hair, my nephew hugging me so gently and asking how I was because I’d had surgery on my ‘private parts’ he’s so cute, he was 7. It was ease-ful and special and Sacred.

Then we get to the emotional recovery. Holy wow, it was A LOT. Many things came up,  feeling all kinds of lost, disconnected from Self, even though I’m doing all the bloody work on myself. Experiencing what I feel was a bit of an identity crisis. Working through old stories of my Self, old beliefs, working out what was true for me and my heart now that I felt like a different person. I mean I was the same, but I wasn’t. I was struggling, really struggling.

Then to add another layer to my heart work. My grandma passed away, I’d said goodbye to some people, a friend moved back overseas, and another I needed to say goodbye to our friendship. I was grieving, feeling abandoned, missing my people, still a little lost, functioning in life, but there’s no other way to describe it than my heart was broken. I’d needed resolution, even though it hurt, I needed boundaries, even though they hurt, I needed healing even though I was resisting it, I needed my Sacred Self Practice.. and you know what I fucking did it.. every day, even when I didn’t want to. Even when I just wanted to ignore myself at times. I showed up. Even if it was for 5 minutes or 15 minutes or a walk to the beach or just sitting on my mat. I showed up.

Hahaha I remember bringing in a journalling practice because I knew I needed to say things out loud, but I didn’t want to hear them. So I thought, if I just write them, then they’d be out of my system.. and I don’t need to listen.. they’re just on the page, and they’re out of me.

When I say my heart got a workout.. I mean it. During all of this I also completed my Reiki Level 1 & 2 Training. Level 1, is a heart chakra atunement… this happened right in the thick of all of this for me. Looking back now, what a true gift that was, to have Reiki hold me in some of the most challenging times for my heart. The universe has an amazing way of showing us that it is always there and it will always hold you in what you are going through. Always providing for you, even when you don’t even know what you need.

You’re going to ask me how I am now, how is my heart? Thank you for asking. I actually journal on that question alot. ‘What is on my heart today?’. She’s good my heart. As i said in the beginning, I’ve managed to Kintsugi my heart back together. Here are some words I journaled a few weeks ago about my heart and this experience.

My heart has 100% been kintsugi-d. All the broken pieces put back together with rose gold lacquer. Every daily Practice, every prayer hands behind my back pose, every reiki self healing, every heart opening back bend, every gratitude practice, every journal entry, every rose quartz/rhodochrosite meditation, every altar, every intention shared, has all been healing my heart back together. Charging it up, holding it bravely, sharing it, expanding it.

Hmmm this was going to be a post on Reiki.. not sure how we ended up here. I guess my final words on this are, you can find yourself a bit broken, disconnected from Self, even when you feel like you’re doing the deeper work on yourself. You can be in a not ideal place. But if you choose You, and show up for You, commit to a daily practice, in whatever form/shape that takes. But you show up..You can put those pieces back together. I am Grateful for my Practice.